the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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