she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
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