Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
