she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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