he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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