If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
