It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
