If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
