I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
