dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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