There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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