I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
