Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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