ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
