No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just forgot I was standing up.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
