a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
