I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
