i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I could fuck to npr.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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