in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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