it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You pole danced in your parka.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize