I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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