that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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