Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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