I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
