maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
