Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
