1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
