Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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