I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
