Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
