No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
