I must be too annoying 4 u.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
