My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
