I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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