What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
