go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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