girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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