There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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