Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I pour the whiskey from now on
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
