So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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