true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
