remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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