I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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