I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
