So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
