If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
