Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
