I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
