she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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