The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
