you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
