My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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