I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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