i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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