i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
