i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
