i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize