You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
