that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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