Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
