I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
