i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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