You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
