Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sober January is a disaster.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
