i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize