I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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