I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
