why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I had to cum in my sink.
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